Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.