You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Do vagina's smell?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
