Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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