Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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