dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
