I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
