New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have post one night stand depression
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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