i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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