So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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