Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
my poor anus
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
