i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
