i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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