I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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