I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
