I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get the cat blown out
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just puked most of my soul out..
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