Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
