I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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