Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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