I just cut my nipple shaving
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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