honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Randomize