Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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