WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Why is your signature on my underwear?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
