I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
how does that bad decision feel?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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