I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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