O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
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And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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