I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
