I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
