she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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