Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
