did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
