Please, let me fuck your mom
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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