i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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