I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
