We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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