my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize