so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
