$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
