I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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