I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
