I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
