She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
