she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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