I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"