last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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