So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
