'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
