ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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