I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
