Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
