he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
smell my finger.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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