Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
