All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
A bitchslap is in order.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
