i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
