VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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