i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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