officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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