Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize