I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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