new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
