god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
