I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
