you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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