i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
