i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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