My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So squirting runs in the family.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
